Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
