You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
