Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
