Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
