omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
