my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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