I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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