shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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