First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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