Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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