whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
