I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
