Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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