I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
