Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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