Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
