Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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