i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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