I smell stomach acid.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you had me at cake vodka
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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