I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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