it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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