I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
