I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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