I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
