recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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