can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
