She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
