Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
