I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
