I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
