Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
