oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
