I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
