You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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