I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
