so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
