so let's talk penis.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
