I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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