Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
