I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
