I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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