the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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