I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
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