Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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