i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
