sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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