hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
