we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
