I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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