It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
