dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
