You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
