We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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