I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
