i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
